The Art of Starting Over

Devy couldn’t remember the last time she’d waited on a table. It was almost like a rite of passage for any teenage girl to work at the diner. While working as a waitress there, her biggest challenge had been remembering orders.

Now, as a bartender, her biggest challenge was going to be remembering which beer was which, and how to pour the perfect draft. According to Colt, there was an art to it, and she needed to master it, mostly because she was Colt’s little sister, and with him being the brewmaster and owner of the Lazy Lamb, expectations were high.

By a couple of hours into her shift, she had learned the difference between an India pale ale (which patrons would refer to as an IPA) and a DIPA. The DIPA was double the alcohol percentage. Colt had a strict rule—no more than two DIPAs were allowed unless the customer had a designated driver, and the DD got free soda all night. He didn’t want anything to happen to any of his patrons or the people of Oyster Bay. This stuck with Devorah. Not only as the sheriff’s daughter, but also knowing how Hayden’s wife had died. Colt was doing his part to keep people safe, which meant a lot to her, and if Hayden ever found out about Colt’s rule, it’d mean everything to him.

It was also on her first day when she found out she would have to go on a food-delivery run. She thought that by telling Colt she hadn’t driven to the Lazy Lamb, he’d go in her place, but nope. One of the employees would go with her and drive.

When they returned to the bar, Devorah walked right up to her brother and kicked him in the shin. “That was a setup.”

Colt hopped on one foot for a quick second and then put his hands up in the air. “It was a nudge.”

“I don’t need a nudge.”

A nudge wasn’t the issue. It was her heart. Hayden had already put himself out there by kissing her at the drive-in. She would never admit this to him, but he’d made her toes curl. Something he’d been doing ever since they’d kissed in the closet, way back when. She wanted to kiss him again, to relive their many shared moments from growing up together. That kiss under the stars, with the movie playing, had woken something in her that had been dormant for a long time.

Passion?

Enthusiasm?

The more she thought about Chad and his affair, the more she realized the passion had long dissipated from their relationship. Sure, they made love, but it was like a calendar: Sundays after Maren had gone to bed, and Wednesdays after her PTA meeting. Long gone was the fervor. They no longer tore at each other’s clothes or couldn’t wait to feel one another. Sex had become a chore. Or Chad had become an obligation.

But was she ready?

If Hayden had kissed her inside her house or his, and no one was around, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind she would’ve taken him to bed. He’d reignited something in her, something she’d felt for him long ago.

They were both in a place where they could move on together and didn’t need any outside interference.

Colt winked and pulled Devy into his arms for a hug. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to help.”

Dev stayed there for a long minute, basking in the strength of her brother’s hug. When they parted, she looked up at him. “Are you okay with Hayden and me dating?”

Her brother acted insulted by the question. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because I used to be in love with Hayden, but he was afraid to lose you as a friend.”

Colt sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair. “We were kids back then. I didn’t know it was okay for my best friend to like my sister.”

They’d more than liked each other.

“But now you do?”

“Hayden’s a great guy, Dev. I wish I wasn’t so against things back then. Maybe life would be different.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Dev let out her own sigh. “Doesn’t matter because I’m not ready for anything, Colt. The last thing I want to do is lead Hayden on. So no more nudging. I need time.”

Colt sighed. “I get it. I do, but I feel like some of this is my fault.”

Devorah’s eyebrow rose. “You told Chad to cheat on me?”

Colt’s eyes widened. “Hell no, but I knew Hayden liked you back in high school. Everyone knew. But being your older brother and his best friend, I think he was afraid to ask you out. I should’ve been a better brother. Hayden’s a good guy, and I’m glad he’s back. I’m also glad he’s pursuing you, because this smile”—Colt poked at her cheek—“it’s worth seeing every day.”

She absorbed his words and did smile again. “I appreciate you, but I need time. There’s this little thing called ‘trust.’ I have none to give right now, and I’m not sure that would be fair to Hayden.”

“Time. You got it. Now here.” He handed her a bottle opener, for those who ordered light beers or something they didn’t have on tap, and left her alone at the bar. Thankfully, the lunch rush was over and there were very few people left in the bar.

She started wiping the bar down and thought about what she’d said to her brother, about her not wanting to lead Hayden on. They had kissed at the drive-in. It felt nice. She had wanted to kiss him and didn’t push him away. The problem started when she got home and went to bed. Instead of thinking about Hayden and what they had shared, Chad was on her mind. Devy hated how he invaded her thoughts when he didn’t deserve them anymore.

And yet, he was there in her mind, mocking her. Pointing out how he controlled every part of her life, from where she lived, who her friends were, and what her job was to how much money he allowed her to spend. He belittled her existence by simply implying she wasn’t his equal.

How had she not seen any of this before?

Everything was clear as day—he had brainwashed her into thinking this was how relationships worked.

As she wiped down the counter, she couldn’t keep her thoughts straight. Her mind swirled with Chicago—and having to go back there—to Oyster Bay and staying. If the decision was hers and hers alone, she’d stay. Until her return, Devorah hadn’t realized how much she had missed her dad and brother. Despite the strain she had with her dad, being with him brought her peace.

Maren’s needs had to come first. She’d promised her daughter they would go back to Chicago in the fall, but the more Devorah thought about it, the more she questioned why. Nothing would have changed by then. Ester would still be there. As would the looks, the finger-pointing, and the whispers behind their backs. People would always know about the affair.

Would Maren feel replaced if they moved back, and she saw her father with Rita?

The words Chad had said to Maren echoed in Devorah’s mind. And I’m going to be her dad now. He was foolish for saying that to Maren. She should’ve come first in his life, but no, he was a selfish prick who only cared about himself.

Why had it taken her two decades to see this about him? Especially since that was how everyone saw him? Devorah could live without Chad. She could put him out of her mind and never look back.

She also wasn’t unaware when it came to Hayden. She knew he liked her. Devorah liked him as well. She had in high school and had waited for him to ask her out. She never minded when they flirted with each other or would sneak off to make out where no one could see. Devy had hoped Hayden would make things official before he left for college, but he hadn’t. Chad saw an opportunity and pounced.

Since she’d bumped into Hayden at the school, he’d been the one constant she could count on. They had kissed at the movies, and it had been wonderful. There was nothing awkward about it, and had they not been in public, she might have rekindled one of their old make-out sessions. They had never lacked chemistry back when they were teens, and they definitely had it in spades now that they were adults. The urge to straddle him the other night, like she’d done so many times back in high school, was there, encouraging her to just give in and let herself be free.

Her cheeks flushed hot as she imagined herself crawling onto Hayden’s lap and kissing him. She stopped and looked around the bar to see if anyone had noticed her blushing. She couldn’t go there.

Not yet, even though her body had no problem remembering how the teenage Hayden used to make her feel.

But at what expense?

Was he still afraid of Colt’s reaction? Crow’s?

Devorah shook her head. They were adults. What people thought shouldn’t matter anymore. And Hayden had said he wished he had done things differently back then, but what did that mean?

She could easily see herself with him, more so if the circumstances were different and she didn’t have Maren to worry about.

Devorah might not have been sure of many things, but one thing was for certain: Hayden wasn’t going away, and it was up to her to trust him again.

“He wants a part two,” she said to herself.

The door opened and voices carried. She thought she heard Hayden’s, but when he didn’t come through the door, her heart dropped. He’d told her he’d be by later, to check out the Lazy Lamb’s new bartender. The thought excited her until her mind took her right back to earlier, when he’d described the house he planned to build.

It was huge. Big enough for a family, and she got the sense that he anticipated her spending some time there. Part of her wanted to, but she told herself she was being unrealistic. Reality had an ugly way of reminding her she was married and had a life a thousand miles away and a daughter she had to think about. The other half of her thought it would be nice to be with Hayden, to see what it would be like to have a relationship with him. She had deep feelings for him and enjoyed all the time they spent together. Devorah even looked forward to when he’d show up randomly at Crow’s place to surprise her.

And then there was Conor. The young boy without a mother, someone who was so easy to mother. Devorah already cared for him more than she thought she should and feared that if she and Maren left, he would be devasted. Could she do that to him? Although she could barely function as a human these days, and it probably wasn’t smart to bring Conor and Hayden into her messy life.

Could she leave Crow and Colt behind again? There was a feeling, deep in her gut, telling her Colt and her father wouldn’t allow it. They weren’t going to let years go by without seeing her and Maren.

Not now.

Not now that they knew what kind of man Chad was.

The bar door opened again, and Devorah paused to see if it was Hayden letting the sunlight shine through. She shielded her eyes and said, “Bar’s open,” repeating the words she’d heard Colt say each time the door opened. She needed to remember a few things about being out in public. Smile and greet everyone, and if anyone said anything about that stupid-ass video, she’d remind them of who was doing the pouring.

“Devorah?”

Her head jerked, and she paused at the sound of her name as she held the dish towel. She waited for the door to close, needing the sun out of her eyes so she could see who had called out to her.

Laila Dixon, Devy’s onetime best friend, stood there. Slowly, Laila set her purse on the bar top and slid onto one of the stools.

Be nice. Colt’s and Hayden’s voices played in her head.

“Hi, Laila.” Laila hadn’t really changed in the years Devy had been gone. She still had icy-blond hair, curled in all the right places to make her hair stand up, to add height to Laila’s barely five-foot stature. Her eyes were as blue as the ocean, and she wore pink, which had always been her favorite color.

“Hi. Look, I want to apologize for the other night. I knew who you were, but seeing you for the first time in”—Laila waved her hand—“I don’t even remember how long it’s been—”

“Too long,” Devy interrupted. She stepped closer to the bar, somehow needing to be closer to her former best friend.

“Yes, too long. Anyway, I’m sorry for being rude.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Laila. I deserve it. Honestly, I’m the one who should grovel. What I did back in high school was horrible of me. I’m sorry for hurting you and ruining our friendship.”

Laila reached her hand across the bar. Devy took it. The two smiled at each other, both on the verge of tears. “Water under the bridge. Besides, you’re here, and oh”—Laila waved her free hand in front of her face—“I saw you with Hayden, and all these memories came flooding back. I used to say that if I ever saw you again, I’d give you a piece of my mind, and well, there you were, and I just couldn’t think of anything to say except for what I did. Anyway, how long are you here for? We have time to hang out, right?” Laila asked after they’d released hands.

Devy inhaled and lifted her shoulder. “I don’t know. Life is pretty messy right now, and I can’t stomach the thought of going back to Chicago. Lately, OB has started feeling like home, and I’ve really missed living here. I used to think this place was horrible, and some of it still is, but you coming in and sitting down to talk shows me not all is bad. And I need all the good I can get.”

“I know. Again, I’m so sorry about the other night. Seeing you caught me off guard. I can’t tell you how many times I drove by Crow’s to see if you were outside. I thought about stopping and knocking on the door, but then I chickened out, each and every time. We have a lot of making up to do.” Laila reached for Devy’s hand and squeezed it. “I can’t wait to meet your daughter.”

“Maren.” Devorah said her name with a smile. “She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” An image of Maren popped into Dev’s mind, taking her away from the here and now. A door slammed, shaking her reverie. “Hey, can I get you something to drink?” she asked Laila.

“A Diet Coke?”

Dev nodded and went to the soda machine. She added ice to the cup, pushed it against the lever, and waited for it to fill. She carried it back to Laila and handed her a straw.

Laila played with the straw in her drink and looked at Dev. “So . . .”

Dev knew what was coming without even asking, and somehow, she was okay to talk about it. Was it possible to fall in step so easily with someone you’d once loved like a sister?

“Devorah the viral sensation!”

Dev rolled her eyes. She hated that the video had made its way to Oyster Bay.

Laila reached across the bar again and set her hand on Devy’s arm. “What she did was wrong, and she seriously needs her ass kicked. Who does this shit?”

“She does, apparently.”

“What happened to girl code?”

Devorah thought for a minute of Chad and how he’d manipulated her into distancing herself from her friends and family. Something she deeply regretted.

“Chad has a way of making it seem like he’s the only one who should matter.”

Laila’s eyes widened. “Did he pursue her?”

Devy shrugged. “I don’t know. We didn’t have that sit-down, what-the-hell-happened conversation.”

“Are you going to?” Laila waited a beat before adding, “It might give you some closure. I can be there with you when it happens. You know, in case he gets out of line.”

“Thanks. It’s probably something I need to do—otherwise, I’ll probably wonder what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Laila told her. “Men like him . . .” She paused and shook her head. “Don’t let him convince you it was you.”

“I know.”

Another customer came in and sat at the bar. Devorah served him and busied herself for a minute before going back to Laila. The last thing she needed was one of the other staff members saying something to Colt, or her brother seeing her standing around gabbing while on the clock.

After more small talk and some back-and-forth with other customers, Devorah refilled Laila’s glass and asked her if she wanted to order something to eat.

“Honestly, I heard you were working here and wanted to come in and apologize for my behavior.”

“Heard? This is literally my first day.” Devorah tossed her hands in the air. “Which Cathy told you?”

“No Cathy; it was Link.”noveldrama

“Link Blackburn?” It took Devorah a minute to remember where she’d seen Link’s name earlier. “He’s building Hayden’s house. I saw him earlier when I took lunch over.”

Laila nodded and smiled happily. “Link’s my husband. We married a year after graduation.”

“I’m sorry I missed it.”

“Ah, don’t be. We divorced five years later and didn’t speak to each other for two years, and then got remarried. He’s a pain in my ass, but he’s my pain and I love him. No kids. We never really wanted any. So, tell me . . .” Laila leaned closer and lowered her voice. “Hayden McKenna. Are you guys together because . . .” She leaned back and fanned her face. “You go, girl! There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting yours, especially with a fine-ass man like Hayden.”

She didn’t know how Laila managed to do it, but she made her feel not only at ease and welcome, but like they were back in high school again and having one of their many sleepovers to discuss the boys in school.

“Hayden and I are friends. Nothing more.”

Laila shook her head back and forth, all sassy-like, while saying, “Nope, nope, nope. I am not buying it. Not this time. There’s a reason he’s here and you’re here. Get. Your. Man.” Laila banged her hand on the bar to emphasize each word.

Devorah laughed and excused herself to help fill some drink orders the servers had sent in. While she and Hayden had kissed, she wasn’t ready to admit there was anything going on between them. Mostly because she worried about how people would perceive her, and she was afraid her heart wasn’t where it should be. Not to mention, if they were even going to go down the path of dating, they’d have to have a serious conversation about their past. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Hayden or let herself become heartbroken again. They both deserved better.

When Devorah finally made it back to Laila, she had finished her drink. “Another?”

“If it means we can still talk, yes.”

Dev took the glass, emptied it, and refilled it with ice and Diet Coke. Before taking the soda back to Laila, she placed an order for nachos. Laila might as well munch on something while they chatted.

After setting the soda down, Devorah worked on a few more orders and then went to the kitchen to get the food she’d ordered. Back at the bar, she set the nachos down in front of Laila, along with two side plates and a stack of napkins.

“They’re messy but delicious,” Devy said. “At least that’s what Colt says.”

“Haven’t eaten here much?” Laila added to her plate a scoopful of the tortillas, topped with queso, chicken, bean, cheese, and lettuce.

“Honestly, I can’t tell you the last time I ate finger foods. Chad isn’t a fan. They’re beneath him.”

“He’s such a—”

“Entitled prick?” Devorah blanched at her word vomit and covered her mouth while Laila cackled. “I don’t know where that came from.”

“I know we’ve just reconnected, but I feel like this is that first over-the-hump moment when you realize your ex isn’t good for you.”

“There’s a lot I need to figure out.”

“All in good time, my friend.”

“Right, time.” Devorah sighed. “What do you do for work?”

“Aside from still working the ticket booth at the drive-in?” Laila playfully rolled her eyes. “I own the travel agency on Main Street. What about you? What did you do in Chicago?”

“Aside from volunteering for the PTA and every other school or community function, I was—or still am—an estate curator. People hire me to sell off possessions, or the state would hire me to go in and recoup as much money as possible when a ward of the state died.”

“Is that like a professional yard seller?”

Devy hated that title, but that was exactly what her job was. “Yep. I have crazy organizational skills and an eye for valuable items.”

“That sounds like a fun job, Dev. Are you going to do it here?”

She shrugged. “I guess that all depends on whether or not we stay. I still haven’t made up my mind. I can’t believe your parents still own the drive-in.” Devorah needed to steer the subject away from herself and her indecision about where she planned to live. It was something that weighed heavily on her, and the pressure made her feel like she couldn’t breathe.

“They don’t. Link and I do,” Laila said. “My parents retired to Florida. My dad fishes all day.”

Devorah looked out the window, where she could see the bay. “That water not good enough?”

“That’s what I say.” Laila slapped the bar and threw her hand up. “Who leaves the water to retire at the water? My parents. Makes zero sense.” She shook her head. “So yeah, we own it and think about closing it every now and again, but it does a decent business.”

“I had fun there. It was very nostalgic.”

“Well, we appreciate you coming.”

A few seats down, a man rapped his knuckles on the bar. Devy excused herself and went to him.

“What can I get for ya?”

“Are you the babe on the wall back there? The Pearl of the Ocean?” He held his hands up in a dancing motion.

Devorah rolled her eyes. “Funny. Do you want to order?”

The man placed an order for a burger with fries and a pint of Colt’s house special. Devorah rang his order up, sent it back to the kitchen, poured his beer, and set it down in front of him. When she walked back toward Laila, she was smiling a bit too much for Dev’s liking.

“I knew it was only a matter of time.”

Devorah rolled her eyes.

“Listen, I have a proposition for you.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” Devy asked as she leaned on the bar.

“I’m the president of the Oyster Festival. I could really use someone like you on staff. Apart from planning, the Pearls could use guidance on their duties during the month.”

Devorah laughed. “Is my reign as Pearl of the Ocean finally becoming something? Wait until I tell Crow.”

Now Laila laughed. “Think about it. We meet once a week until it gets closer to the festival and then nightly for a couple of weeks.”

“Where do you meet?”

“Here,” she said. “Colt lets us use the room in the back.”

“Right along with the CC Club?”

Laila’s eyes widened. “Those gossip girls are the bane of my existence. But you know what, I’ll join them in five years and be just like them.”

“Do they still bring food to people in need?”

“They do. They’re good people and great for the community, as long as you don’t have anything personal going on in your life.”

“Like me.”

Laila smiled softly at Devy. “Screw Chad. He was never one of us anyway.”

She was right. Knowing that should’ve been Devorah’s first of what seemed to be a long list of red flags.

The bar started to fill with the crews from the piers. Laila told Devy she’d stop by Crow’s in the next couple of days, but if she needed anything, she could find her down the street at the travel agency she owned. Dev watched her former best friend leave and marveled at how successful she’d become in their little hometown. Something Chad had said he could never be.

He was right. No one really liked him in Oyster Bay, and they probably would’ve made sure he knew it.

Colt relieved Devorah in time for her to get Maren from school. She could probably walk home, especially with all the other kids in the area, but Dev wasn’t there yet mentally. She needed to know her daughter was safe.

Devy headed toward the school and paused when she saw a sign for Theo Sherman, Attorney-at-Law. She studied the gray house where Theo had set up shop many moons ago, while a voice in the back of her mind nagged at her conscience. She wasn’t going to take Chad back, and she had yet to hear from him despite him calling to talk to Maren. At least he hadn’t forgotten about his daughter.

“Nope, just the vows you promised each other,” Dev mumbled to herself. She pulled out her phone and called her father.

“Something wrong?” he asked gruffly when he picked up. Not a “hello” or even a “hey.”

“Not necessarily. Are you able to pick Maren up from school?”

“Something happen?”

“No, I’d like to stop and talk to Theo,” she told him. “See what my options are.”

“I’ll get her.”

“Thank you . . . Dad,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll be home shortly.” Devy hung up, saving them from the awkwardness of saying goodbye.

She climbed the steps and opened the door to Theo’s office. It smelled stale, like a mixture of paper and coffee, and it reminded her of a library.

“Hello?” a male voice called out from another room.

“Theo? It’s Devorah Crowley.” Her maiden name slipped easily out of her mouth.

Theo came down the hallway, dressed in a white button-up, brown slacks, and suspenders. Other than his age, he hadn’t changed since the last time she’d seen him. “Bea said you’d be coming by. Come on in and let’s chat.”

Dev followed him into his office. He sat behind a large, deep oak desk with stacks of folders piled on top of each other and a monitor in the corner with a layer of dust resting on top of it. She looked around at the shelves full of books and wondered if he had ever opened one.

“I heard about everything,” he said with a wave of his hand. “We don’t need to recount everything.”

“I appreciate that.”

Theo asked her the basics: When did she get married? Have Maren? Buy her house? How many cars did they own? The questions went on and on, each one stabbing her in the heart.

“You’re staying at Crow’s?”

“Yes,” she told him. “How much is this going to cost me?”

“Won’t cost you a thing, sweetie. Chad will pay.” Theo sat back. “Now, I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to think about how you want to proceed.”

“Okay.”

“Illinois law forbids stepping out on your spouse. Due to what we’ve all seen and heard, and you unfortunately witnessed, we can call the police and have him arrested. It’s a misdemeanor, but he’d be booked, fingerprinted, and have a mug shot taken.”

Devorah absorbed those words. She wasn’t vindictive, at least she didn’t think she was. “I . . . I don’t really know.”

“How about this,” Theo said as he straightened in his chair. “We present him with the divorce petition, which will include your list of demands. If he even tries to counter, we’ll work the other angle.”

“Like, threaten him with it?”

Theo nodded. “Something like that hangs out on your record for a bit. No one likes that.”

“Okay,” Devy said, nodding, and then she smiled. Images of Chad in an orange jumpsuit and having to be strip-searched gave her an odd sense of satisfaction. His name would be in the paper, under the police log, and then everyone would know how Devorah had taken revenge on her cheating bastard of a husband.

After another hour, Devy walked home with a preliminary petition. Theo wanted her to fill in the missing bank account numbers, note any stock and retirement plans they had, and decide on custody of Maren. Theo expected Chad to counteroffer when it came to their funds, not their daughter.

When she reached Crow’s squeaky screen door, she paused when she heard laughter. She stood on the porch and listened to her dad and daughter as they told each other jokes. The sound of them laughing brought another smile to her face. She hadn’t felt this at peace in a long time. Crow may not have been the best father, but it seemed like he was making up for it in the grandfather department.

Devorah opened the screen door and walked into the living room. She found Maren sitting on Crow’s knee.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hey, kiddo, how was school?” Devy was concerned with retaliation.

“Great. DJ said he was sorry.”

“That’s good.” Devorah made eye contact with her father. She hoped he understood how grateful she was. “What should we do for dinner?”

“I put a roast in,” Crow said as he looked at his watch. “It should be ready in an hour.”

Devorah stood there in shock. “Well, I guess I’ll go set the table.” She started toward the dining room and stood between the two rooms, looking at the already-set table. It was set for five.

“Who’s the extra plate for?”

“Colt isn’t eating with us tonight,” Crow said from the other room.

Devorah already knew who was coming over before Crow could tell her.

“Conor and Hayden are coming for dinner, Mommy.”

Yep, of course they were.

She looked at the papers in her hand and shook her head. “I’ll be in my room.” She went upstairs, shut the door, and collapsed on her bed. She’d just spent the hour-plus going through details about her life with the local attorney; the last thing she wanted to do was eat dinner with the man who confused her heart and head.

Devorah needed a break from life.